Welcome And Signs Of Work Worry

Hi, everyone, and welcome to The Fulfilled Leader. In the midst of worry, there can be relief and even hope. How much are you worrying about things to do with work? Are you finding it hard to focus during the day as your mind is dragged away by anxiety? Or maybe you're having dinner with your family, and your mind keeps wandering to the challenges at work. Or you're sitting at your computer thinking,"What am I going to do about this?" desperately hoping a solution will pop out. Maybe even your work worries are keeping you awake at night. In today's episode, we're going to look at worry at work, and I'm going to share a four-step process which has really helped me in recent weeks. you'd like to follow along and read this or you prefer to read, you can find this on my Substack, jeanbelfour.substack.com, along with the details of the four-step process and some additional journaling prompts. We live in worrying times, and you don't need me to tell you that. I've noticed myself that having to manage kind of worry about the global environment we're in has really begun to get to me, and I hear clients worried about job security, about the impact of AI, the markets being up and down. Also worried about personal things, about having too much to do, feeling frightened about pausing. I also hear leaders who are concerned about the impact of all of this on their teams and themselves, and I speak to individuals who are really not sure what the future holds. And of course, there are personal worries, like how do I work with my micromanaging boss, or how can I possibly get all my urgent work done? And in the midst of this, I feel like my system is on high alert, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone with that. My latest article and podcast on experiencing fog connected to so many people, and it was a wide range of people. People out of work, people in work, people wishing that they could leave their work, and many people who were feeling lost. As I listened to them, I found myself wondering what part worry is playing in contributing to the fog. Now, I have a long and intimate relationship with worry, and I've done a lot of work trying to reframe this relationship. Over time, I've learnt that worrying seldom leads anywhere helpful except usually to more worry, and I've come to see it as being a small version of anxiety that if I leave it unchecked can, and has at times, turned into a full-blown problem. I've also learnt that mostly worrying is useless. It just exhausts us, stopping us from functioning at our best, usually at a time when we need it most. So what are we to do? After all, at the moment, there is a lot to worry about. Well, I wanted to just start with the why. Why do we worry? Worrying is the brain's, our brain's, slightly wonky way of trying to solve a problem. When we're calm and in a good state, we're capable of solving really complex problems alone and just with our brains. But when we start to feel a bit off, we're maybe tired, maybe feeling a bit emotional, we often end up overthinking, feeling worse and worse, and not solving anything. And as you probably know, this is because our brains have evolved to look out for danger and to keep us safe. They're designed to problem-solve our way out. Our brains learnt to run through all the possible outcomes in our minds so that we could identify the best way to escape harm. Then when we did escape harm, it replayed what happened to make sure we survived next time and we learnt from what happened. Of course, in modern times, we're still doing this, and it's really not serving us very well. Mostly, our current worry is not life-threatening, but our minds keep going around and around, looking for ways to keep us safe anyway, and in the midst of this, our minds predict the worst to protect us. At least that's what they think they're doing, and we end up in an endless and increasingly challenging cycle. And when there is a lot of anxiety in our wider society, which there is at the moment, we're not only trying to solve our own worries, our brain takes us to worry at a global level, leaving us thinking about things we can't possibly do anything about. There's another way of framing this which I've found really useful from a neuroscience perspective, and this is through two key networks which were identified by neuroscientists, and they're called the task positive network and the default mode network. The task positive network is where our brain is focused on an activity. Hopefully, as you are now, you're focused on listening to this. And it happens at other times, of course, like when we're preparing for a presentation, when we're listening intently to a colleague. Maybe we're writing a very difficult email or writing a report. It's where we sit down to solve a complex problem and to work our way through it. The default mode network is what happens when we're not doing that, when we aren't focused. And the scientists used to think that when we weren't focused on a task, the brain was, was kind of still resting, but then they learnt through the scans that instead it became incredibly active but in a different way. It was looking to make sense of patterns and connections via a network, and this is what they then called the default mode network. This is like the mode that's active when you have a great idea in the shower, when you're not really thinking about it but something comes to mind. And in this mode it can be very creative and good and lead us to some helpful insights, but it can also ruminate and worry. It depends how we direct it. And in our modern world, we don't get much space for the kind of creative default mode network state. We are in front of a computer, we move to a smartphone, we go back to the computer, we go to the television. We're listening to things when we commute. We're watching things while we cook. We're listening to music on a walk. And now it's even possible to listen while we're doing laps in a pool. I've come to see that we can use both of these networks, both task positive and default mode, to help us to manage worry differently. So rather than letting the default mode lead us to worry and rumination, we can use it to support us to move back to creative and practical functioning. And a recent experience has really brought this to life. For family reasons and complicated by the war, I have genuinely had a lot to worry about in the last few months. Much of it really concerning. I noticed myself constantly worrying and getting more and more tense. And then my back went out and I was doubled over in pain, felt like I was 90, and thought,"Okay, things are really not good." It was really getting me down, and I knew that letting it all run around in my head was not helping. A quiet creative inner voice, alongside a very wise therapist, suggested I start to kind of externalize it. So I decided to write down 20 things that I was worried about. Don't know why I chose 20, but that was my number. Getting to 10 was really easy, but I just decided to keep pushing until I got to 20. Now, this exercise might seem a bit bizarre, but stay with me. Once I hit 20, I looked at my list and a few things happened. Firstly, and very strangely, I felt a whole lot better. I was looking at this list of genuine worries, 20 of them, and could see that I really wasn't imagining that things were challenging. I had a lot on my mind and a lot on my heart, and most of it was difficult in real terms, much of it personal, but some of it was relating to the global situation. Secondly, I could see that a few of those things were areas that simply needed self-compassion, not worry. And some dear friends had already been pointing this out to me, but it was clearly time to listen. Thirdly, there were some practical actions I could take, so I set about a plan to do something about these. And finally, I could see that there were areas that I could do absolutely nothing about, and my only choice was to get better at being aware and letting them go. Every day after this, for a few weeks, I looked at those, that list, and when things got challenging, when I noticed myself worrying, I went back to it and I just practiced some self-compassion saying,"Look, I can see that you've got some worries. It's okay. It's part of being human." And even now as I look back on it, I sometimes wonder,"Was I really imagining it? Was it really that bad?" I go back to the list and think,"Yeah, it really was," and it brings me a sense of relief. Somehow, that list has become a calming force for good. So what about you? I imagine that as you're reading or listening to this, some of your worries have started to come to the surface, and I imagine that some of these are things that wake you up at 3:00 a.m. Here's a possible example. Maybe you're worried about your job. You notice your business has fewer clients and costs are rising, and running through your head is this question of will there soon be redundancies? And at 3:00 AM, your mind is gonna run through all the terrible possible outcomes, and that will usually end, in your mind, of you losing your job. Because our minds, as I said, are really clever at coming up with terrible scenarios because they want to protect us, and they're using a lot of energy and power to generate these doom and gloom outcomes. But what if we could take some of that energy and manage these worries differently, and turn that energy to creative use? So for example, if it's you with the 3:00 AM, well, we're actually not very good at being logical at 3:00 AM, but I've learned that if I get out of bed, write down what I'm worried about, let them know I'll come back to an- them in the morning, I nearly always go back to sleep. And this is step one of my four-step process. We want to find a way to externalize all that we're worried about, because more thinking and worrying won't fix it. So here are the stages that have worked for me. Step one is to raise awareness of your work worries and externalize them. Find a way to take them out of your mind. You can write it out, you can talk it out to a friend, you could record a voice message. And like I did, try and get to 20. Certainly don't stop at two, because I'm pretty sure, and I know from experience, that there are often worries that are lurking away at the back of our brain that are impacting us without even our awareness. So bringing them to the surface gives us an opportunity to do something about them. When we write things down or we talk to somebody, we become a witness to what's happening. We're able to stand back and observe it. There are other things that you could do. You could go for a walk, or you could find a still, quiet space to do this. If you're feeling extremely anxious and worried, you could start by doing something to calm your nervous system. A breathing exercise, for example. Anything that's going to bring you back to center. While I was writing this, I thought,"Oh, I wonder what I'm worried about now." So I started another list. Here are the first 10. These arrived without any effort. Number one: will I be ready for the meeting that I've got coming up? Number two: why can't I get to the bottom of my emails? Three, am I doing enough marketing? Four, what's getting in the way of writing even when I know I love it? What will X think about the draft of my book? Am I making enough progress on my new offer? Why hasn't X replied to my email? Is X client okay? Why am I not as productive as Y? And finally, is it okay for me to take some leave? That was really easy to come up with that list. Step two is to practice some self-compassion. Before doing anything else, look at your list and be kind to yourself. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as having three components: seeing our common humanity, being mindful and aware, and practicing self-kindness and not self-judgment. We know that the world of work is challenging, perhaps now more than ever. Of course, it's rewarding, but those challenges are there, and acknowledging that helps us to offer ourselves some compassion. This is genuinely hard. In my situation, it meant acknowledging that what I was feeling was a natural part of being human faced with the circumstances I was in. Being mindful and aware of my feelings, not pushing them down, but bringing them up, writing them down, helped. And then being kind to myself, talking to friends, going for a swim, getting enough sleep. You can reassure yourself that you are human. You're a human who has a brain that's trying to problem solve but has a negativity bias. You can remind yourself that you're a good person struggling to get everything done in a world that rewards extreme work. Step three is to identify areas for creative action or any action. So you can look at your list and say,"Is there one thing that I could take action on, or are there other things that I could generate creative ways of looking at it?" You go over your list and identify one or two items that you can do something about. So in my new list above, I am procrastinating about preparing for the meeting. So instead of procrastinating and worrying, I can simply get on with preparing it. Take action, no hesitation, just act. Speak to your boss. Write that email. Finish that report. Apply for that job. But maybe you're stuck on something, and in this case, set aside 30 uninterrupted minutes and sit with it. Write down all the possible options without evaluating them. Look at the one that might help you get unblocked. And of course, some areas might need analysis or help from others, and again, take that action. Go and talk to somebody. Step four is really about looking for the things that we can't do anything about. These are things that we can't influence or control, and that our minds are just catastrophizing about. And one way of dealing with these that I found really helpful is to write them on the worry list, as I did. It just gets them out of our mind, and it lets the brain know that we won't forget them, and that it doesn't need to keep worrying about them. There's many ways of doing this, but you could have a book that you write your worries in and then you put it away, or you could have just a list on a Post-It and then put that Post-It in another part of the room. I have one client who has a bowl that they use. So they write each worry on a Post-It Note, they put it in the bowl, and then they put that bowl in another part of the room. Some people I know burn them as a way of banishing those worries. What you're doing is you're making a promise to those worries that you'll tend to them another time, but for now you're focusing on just one thing. We're parking them. We're allowing the brain to know that it's all right, we're not ignoring you, but we're just letting you sit on the sidelines for a while. You can choose to revisit the list tomorrow and update it. You can have a new list. You can throw it away. But what we want to do with those worries that we can't do anything about is see them as that. They are worries. So this four-step process has been working really well for me over what's been a challenging time, which I'm on the other side of now. But there are loads of other ideas, and I wanted to share some of these with you. In her book, Beyond Anxiety, Martha Beck found that activating our creativity was often an antidote to anxiety. So instead of focusing on our worries, we can choose an activity that we would define as creative. For me, it's tending to my orchids. For you, it might be cooking or drawing or writing or listening to a piece of music. It could be playing with your kids. Find one, and when you notice yourself worrying, see if you can find five minutes to indulge your creative brain. You can pick one worry. In my case, it was,"Why am I not as productive as that other person I'm thinking about?" And then write about it. Try to answer the question from many different angles, maybe starting with,"Is it true that I'm not as productive as that person?" Keep writing. Look at it from different perspectives, because my guess is that when you've done that, you will have lost a bit of the worry and you will see it in more context. You will see it in more, in a broader way. You can take your worry for a walk. Head out without any music or without an audiobook and just the question. Why am I not as productive as why? Hold the question as you walk. Allow your mind to wander. Notice the birds, the flowers, the trees. Occasionally bringing it back to your worry. Again, I'm guessing that by the time you come back, it will be less of a worry and more something you notice that's going on. You can choose a positive opposite to your worry. So maybe you're applying for jobs and you're always thinking,"What happens if I don't get that role?" Shift it to,"What will it be like when I get that role?" Then just notice the energy shift to creative thinking. You can create options. One way of doing this is to ask these questions: What if I do nothing? What if I do something small? What if I do something medium? Or what is something big I could try? Or is there a tiny experiment that I could do to help me move beyond the worry? There's a coaching model that we've taught extensively called the GROW model. You probably know it. But actually it came out of problem-solving in organizations, and is really helpful, I think, for a few worries. You identify your goal,"I would like s- to stop worrying about X." And then you write down what the current reality is. You write down all the things that you're worried about, and then you look at your options. What are my options for seeing the situation differently or for stopping worrying? And then W is for way forward. What is one thing I can do to move this situation forward? You can use the worry flowchart. This was introduced to me years ago, and I love it. It's where you create a flowchart and at the top you write your worry, and then you say,"Can I do something about it?" If yes, do something. If no, stop worrying. It sounds so simple and ridiculous, and yet I use it all the time. You can look at your values and identify one that might help you to think about this worry. For example, a core value of mine is personal growth, so I can ask,"What can I learn about this situation?" You can use the circle of influence framework. This is where you look at something, and the circle of control is in the middle. So you say,"Is this something I can control and do something about?" If yes, do it. If not, maybe I can influence, and maybe there's somebody I can talk to. If so, influence. But if it's outside my control and my influence, this is a let it go space. Maybe practice some self-compassion or some nervous system regulation and attempt to let it go. We can reach out to others. I think it's tempting when we're worrying about things to actually pull away from people, when actually being with them can calm us. So we can take some time to be with people. And then I've got a special one for if you're in a team where there's quite a lot of worry. Um, usually then there's quite a lot of complaining going on as well, and you can notice that tendency to complain and talk about worries because they're really, um, demotivating. In this case, one thing I've done really successfully is dedicated five or 10 minutes at the beginning of team meetings to complaining and worrying and talking about all that, but then we stop, and we park it, and we say,"Okay, let's get on with the task at hand." There are so many reasons for us to worry at the moment, but we don't have to let it take us over. We can do things to put worry in context and get on with life in a creative and generative way. You can find the four steps in detail, as I said, over on jeanbelfor.substack.com, and also along with some additional journaling prompts. If you are feeling that you would like someone to help you rethink some of your work worries, I can support you in my coaching practice, and there's more details on my website, jeanbelfor.com, and both links for these are in the show notes. I hope this way of thinking about worry leaves you with a sense of power over your worries and an energy to let them go and find some creativity in your working life.